The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

Hm... *looking at idea notebook* The Mosquito Diary was the first idea on my list, and I have been thinking about which concept to tackle next. I have quite a few music video ideas in here, so I shall next describe one of them. Hm.... how about... The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, performed by Relient K? Sounds good to you, too? Better.

(For those of you who don't know the lyrics to the above named song, a warning: You will be completely lost. Click here to get the lyrics.)

Anyway...

The song opens with three random kids sitting on swings. (Or standing in front of; I'm not picky.) "We are the" is completely black and then cuts to close-up of pirate one's (P-1's) face for "pirates who don't do". Then quick cut to P-2's face for "anything. We just". Cut to P-3's face for "stay home and lie a-"--cut to P-1 & P-2 whole body--"-round. And if you"--cut to P-2 & P-3 body--"ask us if we do"--cut to all three, body shot--"anything, we'll just"--farther shot cut--"tell you"--farther--"we don't do"-- close up of all three faces at once--"anything!" (Whew!)

Show P-1 with map and teacherish outfit on pointing out different locations with a long stick as he says them:

"Oh, I've never been to Greenland and I've never been to Denver and I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul and I've never been to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa and I've never been to Boston in the fall."

Chorus: All pirates dancing around in merry circles. Or something of the like; I don't quite have it figured out exactly. :)

Verse two: Complicated shot, involving the camera walking backwards constantly and turning from side to side catching the three pirates popping in on the sides to say random (no, I mean, carefully pre-planned and memorized) lines and such. P-2 says the last line: "And I've never been to Boston in the fall."

Next chorus: Don't have it entirely worked out yet. Something about hardcore rock and a burp, but nothing more.

For the next verse, P-1 and P-2 push P-3 in front of the camera and he attempts to make up something. It comes out like this:

"Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping-pong and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall, and I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice and I've never been to Boston in the fall."

From there it fades to all the pirates crowded around the camera looking in it, all acting like rappers or cool people... but not both. :)

"We don't know what he did but we're down with Captain Kidd. We don't wake up before lunch but we all eat captain crunch. We don't smoke, we don't chew, we watch Captain Kangaroo!"

Fades to close up of P-3 singing sweetly with sole spotlight on him. The camera is VEEEEERY slowly pulling out. "Well I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a stink bug and I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball." Have P-1 and P-2 lean in towards P-3 and sing "ooo"s: "And I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings"...

(Close up crazy shot of P-1or2) "And I've never been to Boston in the fall."

(Shot of child spitting in tin can or tub or barrell or whatever.)

(Ladies and gentlemen, Relient K... shot of three pirates on stage w/lights and smoke and screaming fans.)

"We are the pirates who don't do anything. We just stay home and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you, we don't do anything!"

End with a shot of three pirates standing on smallish choir platforms, (only two rows and maybe 10-15 feet long), P-2or3 playing accordion and P-1 and whoever isn't playing accordion singing one row up with song books. All wear cheesey sailor outfits and sing with happy smiles on their faces. (Happy smiles are optional; sailor suits aren't.)

"We are the pirates who don't do anything. We just stay home and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything" -- top two singers look at each other with a 'silly people' look (or 'they're stupid if they think we'll fall for that one'; however you want to look at it) -- "we'll just tell you" -- both look at audience -- "we don't do anything!" (Accordion: BAH-Bum.) (Cut to black)


P.S. For those of you who read through AND comprehended all of the above: CONGRATULATIONS!!! You are my best friend. You officially have permission from me to make a comment on this post saying, "I am Alex's best friend." And if you didn't, well, then read it again. And if I find out you're lying... I'll do something.

I WILL!!!